Where do I come from?

I always thought this simple question was only something I asked. But, as I’ve aged, I realize this is a very common question. It’s a simple question, but then again, sometimes it’s not. The answer could be so simple as Mommy and Daddy made you. I spent years trying to figure it out because my family never wanted to talk about it. They didn’t understand why I wanted to know.

“We’re in America now. Life is good. Don’t worry about it.“

I was a very confused kid. I thought I was Chinese but my family immigrated. Mom would say we are Chinese but we didn’t speak Mandarin or Cantonese. They spoke a lot of Cambodian though. It didn’t make sense to me. Words were from all over. I got slang from every south Asian country and didn’t even realize it wasn’t Chinese. I told people we eat Chinese food everyday. I had no idea. Only years later I realized we ate everything, Chinese, Cambodian, Thai, Vietnamese. I’m not even sure what is what to this day. I have to ask and sometimes my relatives have no idea.

So why even start writing this blog?

Dad passed away at the end of October 2019 and only soon afterwards I truly realized how amazing he and Mom are. I mean, I knew they were amazing people but their untold stories were revealed to me while writing Dad’s eulogy. I finally learned where my parents grew up and what those cities were called. I learned about his little sister and how we share the same name. Mom named me and she never knew Dad’s sister’s name.

I don’t want my kids to try to figure out where they came from and what my parents sacrificed for this life we live after I pass. My Chinese isn’t great so it’s not like my kids could speak to my relatives about what happened. I want my kids to know where they come from and not have to figure out how to translate my Chinese to English.

I love my family. In no way do I ever intentionally try to hurt them by writing these stories but only shining a light on a world that is foreign to us. I write this in hopes to keep some kind of record of the past that no one wants to talk about.