No one ever wants to talk about death. It’s such a morbid topic. It makes people sad and uncomfortable. As I sit here in total darkness because the little one fell asleep, I wonder if we’re meant to be happy all the time. I can probably relive most of my day and recount all the emotions I had just in a few hours. Partially so emotional lately because I miss my dad. I’d have to say I am an emotional person. I like to experience all emotions and live my life passionately. I’d like to think I’m not as emotional at work but still passionate (yes it’s possible). I’d like to think I’ve somehow inherited my dad’s calmness when he passed. Maybe he heard me when I prayed to him to help me be as calm as he ever was in life, calm but passionate.
I remember way back, a long long time ago because I’m getting old. I was sitting in my dad’s beat up rusty Toyota truck. It was a super simple truck. Petite in today’s terms. I could never tell if it was originally white and faded and yellowed or if it was originally yellow and faded to white. He called it his MR-10. I have so many memories of this thing. Dad would drive it on Mykawa all the time to get to 610 or 45. He would take my friend home from some after school function sometimes. We would take it on the backroads before Fite Rd was a road between McClean and Veterans. This guy would make his own roads taking a left on Broadway before the light at Main St. and drive in the alley until he got to McDonalds. That truck saw us go through so many things in life.
My Dad never really talked much but we always had good conversations. So I’m sitting in my Dad’s truck and he’s driving us home. We somehow started talking about death. Mom never let us talk about it but she wasn’t there. She said we shouldn’t talk about that kind of stuff because it was unlucky and not good. But this day, I remember he told me to just burn him, “don’t worry it!” I remember thinking… yea Dad! What’s the point of getting buried anyways? I’d never want to be in a box and buried. I don’t remember how we started talking about it and what else we said but I remembered that he wanted to be cremated. It made sense to me so I never questioned it. Toss my ashes back into the ground and let the earth keep living. My spirit will always be with those I love most. Or I was getting reborn as a monkey or alien. It could happen. No one knows.
Fast forward, my dad passes, and I’m trying to decide on his memorial. My Mom asked my Dad on his death bed if she could bury him. She wanted to have a place where she could go visit him whenever she wanted. She also wished to be next to him when that time came. Obviously he agreed. Happy wife, happy life, even in death. My dad? He understood the assignment. I visit my dad sometimes. It’s very calming at the cemetery. I don’t go often. I know his body is physically there but I also know his spirit is with me. It’s really for my mom and probably my sister too. Why not make those still living happy? Sometimes it’s just not about you.
I think the long time notion of not discussing death and sadness is crippling society. Pushing the thought that we should overcome whatever it is and just be happy is not dealing with the problem. Death is a part of life. Sadness and grief are a part of life. Being emotional is part of life. Speaking about it comfortably needs to be the norm. Because we don’t discuss things even amongst friends, people have a false notion of what life truly is. People have a fictional idea of how people actually live. It’s not kittens and rainbows all the time. It’s dirty and ugly too. Sometimes, it’s cleaning an overflowing toilet that won’t stop.
Specifically this relates to a hot topic right now, abortion. If people really know how badly abortion needs to be healthcare, well, we wouldn’t be arguing over it. But also, allowing the government to make laws on what we can and cannot do with our bodies is opening a can of worms that should be left alone. It may be abortion today and mandatory vaccines tomorrow. Don’t doubt it! If they come for me today, one day they will come for you.
Mental health is a thing. Is it uncomfortable talking to someone who isn’t happy? Sometimes, but don’t make that person feel bad for not being happy. It’s ok not to be happy all the time. It’s ok not to be yourself all the time. It’s ok to be sad and depressed. It’s perfectly fine to sleep the whole weekend and allow yourself to reset. It’s ok if you just want to be alone. Whatever outlet you have, embrace it and allow yourself to be human. It’s also perfectly ok to talk to someone about your feelings and emotions. Everyone needs an outlet.
So I leave you with this last piece of calm “ahhhhh” moment. Obviously I love BTS. I think true Army fans are very supportive, friendly, and have positive vibes. I just want to add that Disney is also a positive vibe. We recently visited Walk Disney World. My MIL before she passed wanted us all to go to Disney World. She didn’t make it so we thought we would go this year. It was amazing. The trip was fantastic. There is a Facebook Group “Walt Disney World Tips and Tricks” that is amazing. I’ve already gone to Disney World but I like to read the posts and comments. So many people post about their experiences. It’s amazing to see so many supportive people on there. It gives me hope that not all people are lost. If you ever need positive vibes, not that you ever need an excuse to go to Disney, I highly encourage a Disney trip. I’ve gone to Disney various times throughout my life and I just cannot get enough Disney vibes.
Last last… if something were to ever happent to me, I hope it doesn’t happen until I’m way way old, I’d prefer the burn versus the bury. BUT if my loves really wanted me to be buried then burn me then bury. It’s a compromise.
Family History Unknown 