Keeping the Past Alive

I kind of had a feeling last year’s birthday would be my Dad’s last birthday with us. Seems so pessimistic but he was so frail. I could see it in the pictures from the beginning of last year to his birthday. He had lost so much weight. I should have taken more pictures. I wish I could relive our moments together in a fast forward kind of way. But my mind doesn’t work like that… it skips memories from last year to way back in my early childhood to really quick flashbacks of his smile whenever he saw me come visit (which was a lot and often).

Growing up, we didn’t have much and for the most part I was fine with it. It didn’t stop me from asking my dad for everything. I begged him for a trampoline. I told him I’d never ask him for anything ever again (lie). I actually don’t remember asking him for much after that… other than a car. I never really cared for anything brand new (maybe some clothes but even Walmart clothes were fine with me). Most of everything was hand me downs or used. The trampoline lasted until he passed. We only got rid of it because the dogs had put two huge holes in it. I mean, to my credit, that was a really good ask, right? The kids loved it so I can’t complain.

Celebrations and Holidays were quite simple back in the day. Mom and Dad worked like crazy during the weekdays so weekends were their chill days. Since we lived far from Chinatown, we would spend all day eating, grocery shopping and just browsing. Dad loved to browse. We’d buy our snacks like steamed peanuts, visit the bakeries, stop by the gift shops for those little poppers. I think at one point, I started collecting these Japanese figurines.

So a little Houston history lesson… Milam downtown and St. Emanuel’s was the original Chinatown area. Kim Hung Market is still there although not as busy as it once was. I’m not even sure what’s there any more. Our favorite restaurant was on Rusk and St. Emanuel’s. They were always so busy. I wish I could remember the name. It was definitely our go to. There was a Chinese Theater on the southwest corner of Leeland and St. Emanuel’s. We always wanted to go see a movie there. You could see the movie posters on the outside of the walls. There was also a really popular “mall” on Travis and Dennis. These are the places where I spent with my dad helping him with ideas for meals, trying to get stickers or candy, buying dried cuttle fish and beef jerky. Chinatown was our quality family time.

Today has been… emotional. I miss my dad. I miss saying our silly HELLOOOOOO. I miss his grin… no cares in the world, just pure happiness. At least I have that burned into memory at any given point. I can find comfort in his face. I miss the way he smelled… grass or gasoline, he was always outside working. I miss his cooking. I probably will never eat some of things he made again unless I attempt it… trial and error. That may be scary to even think it. But sometimes those dishes seem to be only what Dad and I eat.

Today, we went to see him. The kids sang him happy birthday. My kid wanted his birthday balloon and I can see him say just give it to her. Don’t make her cry. Yea, I should of let her have it. He would have wanted it that way. Today, we went around Chinatown doing things we would have done if he was still here. Seems so trivial to anyone else who would ask what did I do for my dad’s birthday to hear that we just browsed the stores, shopped the grocery store, picked up desserts and drinks, and took dinner home (you know… pandemic and all). Who would take off a day just for that? It meant everything. That’s exactly what we would have done if he were still here. It was a great day!

Love you, Dad! Wish you were still here. Then I could ask you again, are we Chinese? Or, are we mixed? Because that is still out for debate. (I’m pretty sure I’m mostly Chinese). You’d probably tell me we are Chinese. Miss you so much. Love you A LOT A LOT A LOT! Happy Birthday!